loosing grip
by akirauchiha1671
Summary: -oneshot- alfred and arthur decide their love is worth another chance...arthur is loosing grip of reality ...


Sorry i havent updated lately... ive gotten a writters block (just plain laziness) and id rather not force the story otherwise there would be poor quality ... i decided to write this one-shot to make it up sorry if it s not good enough, maybe i should have started off small than writing chapter-long stories.  
This is mostly doubts arthur has about his relationship with alfred, it might get a bit angsty... remember to comment :P

* * *

Arthur sat in the dark staring at his computer screen, wondering when his inbox would recieve his lover's newest message.  
It felt like an eternity waiting , what could Alfred be doing right now ? Was he thinking of Arthur? DID he even think of him on his spare time...did he even miss him, like he missed him?

They had just started going out, but like many 21 year olds... there relationship was a bit... complicated.

_Alfred..._

This was there second shot giving their love a chance. Why had it not been sucessful the first time? A girl. Long black hair tied in red bowed pigtails, tan, lean body, and only one of the most attention grabbing girls around, had come between them , or at least caught Alfred's attention. As the weeks pasted, Alfred seemed more and more distant, which Arthur immediately noticed. He would seem absent minded whenever the brit spoke to him, always looking off into the distance.

The long talks online became simple conversations. Those long needy hugs disappeared. It was akward just being around each other.

Despite the situation worsening Arthur couldn't do anything about it, or at least he couldn't bring himself to. Alfred even scooped as low as to confess to him his feeling for the girl but refused to break up with Arthur because of his inner "conflict". He claimed to love him, but he also had growing feelings for the girl.

Arthur was loosing himself, not focusing at work, school or even himself(often skipping meals). Everytime, after departing with his lover, he would break into tears... Alfred was his strength, he could never manage to breakdown in front of him, even though he despreately wanted to, to show the American how much he was hurting. He didn't want to leave him, he couldn't. He loved him. He wanted to believe he was imagining it all... to believe it was all a bad dream and his knight in shinny armor would wake up and save him from himself, but it never happended.

Time passed. Alfred broke up with Arthur claiming " You deserve better", and that they should just remain friends.

_**TYPICAL BULLCRAP...**_

Arthur fell into a hole. Unable to think. Unable to sleep. Unable to focus. Unable To stop crying.

Alfred stopped all contact and persued after HER without any regret.

Karma was a bitch with Alfred though...

" It appears she wants nothing to do with him, kirkland-san" kiku explained to Arthur.

Arthur was conflicted. He was happy Alfred got a taste of his own medicine... however he felt more sorry than happy. How could someone neglect someone as kind hearted as Alfred. Sure things had not gone right for them, but Alfred was a romantic and would never harm anyone...at least not intentionally. Most importantly, why should he show any compassion if he traded him for the better prize.

" Why ? What happened? " Arthur asked pretending to be uninterested.

" She called him a stalker after He confessed, Herd the cops were even involved" Kiku explained.

_Knowing Alfred, he probrably went out of his way with his confession_. Arthur sadly thought. How was it that someone could just throw away something he so desprately longed for...

"oh..." and not much was mentioned after that ...

**"Are you ok ?"**

**"yeah I'm fine "**

**"you had me worried"**

_I wonder if it's really true_... Arthur thought saddly as he stared at the screen. His fingers' hesitated at typing.

**"forgive me for that"**

**"..."**

"..."  


**"...gtg my stomachs reacting wierdly...must've been all the cheeseburgers... "**

**"... hope you feel better... love..."**

**"...yeah... love you.."**

_Is it true..._

_**"...yeah"**_

Arthur closed his laptop and sat alone in the dark. After getting back together, it just wasn't the same. He felt he couldn't trust Alfred with his heart anymore, even though he so desprately wanted to trust him.

Alfred had promised to return things back to the way they were, but that was the problem.

_" He's lying... You're just his second option. You do understand that.. don't you"_

"It's not true...he just lost way is all..."

_" You know thats not true.."_

Arthur hesitated,"... he loves me..."

_" Then how come he hasn't written YOU a poem like he did for HER"_

"..."

_" Whats wrong Arthur? Am I bringing an upsetting memory? Trying to close your eyes again to the truth?"_

"..."

_"If he really loved you, he wouldn't have left you in the first place."_

"... just leave me alone..."

_"-He'd be with you right now, instead of playing games with Kiku and who knows what else."_

"shut up!" Arthur snapped raising his hands to cover his ears.

_"YOU're going to LISTEN!YOU'RE WELL AWARE THAT HE STILL THINKS ABOUT HER! WHILE YOU WERE BUSY CRYING ABOUT HIM, HE WAS BUSY CRYING ABOUT THAT HEARTLESS BITCH!HE STILL LOVES HER AND THE ONLY REASON HE'S WITH YOU IS BECAUSE YOU'RE HIS SECOND OPTION AND HE FEELS GUILTY OVER BREAKING UP WITH YOU THE FIRST TIME! IF YOU ASK ME YOU DESERVE BETTER!"_

"SHUT UP I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT !" Arthur slammed his hands on the glass coffee table in front of him, breaking it. His hands covered in blood, as he looked at what he had done.

_"... hmmmphhh... Fine. Do as you please, I'm only trying to help you open your eyes.. you don't want to end up in the void again do you ? Come on... don't cry Arthur"_ He handed himself a napkin.

"I'm not gonna be a burden...I-im gonna m-make it work t-this time... I-im not gonna loose him again... I dont think-"

"- I dont think I could manage loosing him again..."

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wat did you guys think :P leave comments and i might do more one shots from here on :P dude it was fun writing this XP sorry for all the grammar mistakes. i did this... well its 3 am and ive got school so ... THE SHIT I DO FOR YOU GUYS ! JKJK love ya and see ya later ;D


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